My Wishes for You on My Birthday
Orgasmic Friday, October 22nd
Tomorrow is my birthday and I wanted to share my birthday love with you, so I’ve sent this week’s Friday Love Letter to the whole Orgasmic Community, free and paid subscribers alike. Happy Birthday to me! Happy Birthday to you!
I am a master of birthday wishes. My wishes are like the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. This week, I want to share my wishes with you, my sweet subscribers. I am so grateful for you, as you make it possible for me to do what I love most, to caress the mysterious contours of being human with my words and to share them with you.
Send me you wish for yourself in sex and love and I will wish it for you when I blow out my candles.
I surprised myself with my own birthday wish this year. Read about it here…
P.S. If you want to join our steamy Orgasmic Community and receive unique and varied content straight to your inbox, subscribe below.
Your Questions Make Orgasmic Hot
Each week, I answer a steamy question from an Orgasmic subscriber
This week’s is from Nate B. in Akrin, OH
He writes: “As a younger man, I had a girlfriend who loved oral sex. She let me do whatever I pleased with her vagina. I could have lived down there. That relationship didn’t last. Now, I am married to a woman who hates her own smell and taste. She says she does not like cunnilingus and on the nights she lets me taste her deliciousness, she won’t let me kiss her afterwards….” I sometimes find myself tempted to step out just satisfy my craving for her pussy…”
Dear Sweet Nate,
Though they say, “better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all,” in sex that sentiment does not always apply. I feel your craving in your words. As a lover of cunnilingus myself, I want to help your sweet tongue find its way back into your lover.
It is hard for men to understand just how much self-hatred women absorb during their adolescent years. Most are systematically taught to fear their bodies and their sensuality. As a loving partner, you can tenderly support your wife in meeting herself anew.
The first step of great sex is always consent. Don’t beg your woman. Ask her for what you crave…
The second step of great sex is always letting your mate feel your authentic desire. Desire is the best aphrodisiac.
Beyond that, my advice to you is to go very, very slowly. Without begging, lavish your woman with clear and specific compliments. Use “I” language." Tell her what you crave and how you feel when you get it. Be loving first. Let your yearning spring forth from your loving.
And, let me know how it goes…
Your questions make Orgasmic hot. “Reply” to submit a question today. Use the subject: “Orgasmic Questions”
This week’s Orgasmic Question For You
The Orgasmic Question this week is your own wish for yourself in sex and love.
If you could as for anything, what would it be?
Don’t waste your wish on something that will be over in a few hours of when it starts. Rather, I encourage you to wish something for yourself that is deep, something that will change you when you receive it.
Do you wish for a new capacity?
Do you wish for fearlessness in some new regard?
Do you wish to forget a judging voice from your past?
Do you wish to be seen or known in some new way?
These things are the stuff of true passion.
What do you wish for yourself today?
Click “reply” and share your sexy wishes with me.
This Week’s Digest
Here are some of my greatest hits articles I shared with the free list this week. Want to get them too, subscribe here.
When Fucking Becomes Making Love
In the last few years, I’ve been doing a great deal of fucking. It has been glorious. At first, it was a way to reclaim my freedom, then my body, then my self. The more I opened to it, the more it became a journey of re-wilding, one I believe we all must take.
There is something so liberating about the kind of sex that is primarily physical.
Once questions of safety and parallel expectations are resolved, sometimes, one can best access the modes of playfulness that lead to deep pleasure in casual sex.
When your lover is also your life-mate, it can be hard to let bodies just be bodies. And, that really is where great sex begins; with warm bodies pressed up against one another, feeling more and more deeply into one another.
That’s where my love and I had spent months — in the luscious marathon of give-and-take between lovers. We had learned one another’s bodies well. We are both generous, and the organic chemistry between us is enough to set off any chain reaction. We have the kind of sex life I craved during the long, dull years of my marriage. My lips on his neck or his strong arms around my waist are enough to make the world melt away.
I think of fucking as the deepest, most therapeutic massage around. I wonder if men do too…
Sometimes fucking is rough, violent even. At others, it feels deep and tender, like I am being lovingly excavated, meeting as of yet undiscovered parts of myself in the encounter. When I’m being fucked, I feel like I am made to open in just that way, like a flower in bloom.
The marriage of penetration and climax is transformational.
I wish it for all of us, men included. Lately, it strikes me as unfair that some women are privileged both to grow and feed babies from our bodies and also to be loved up this way, from the inside out.
It does not take much for me to fall in love.
On the contrary, if I’m not careful, I can find myself there just from the oxytocin rush of penetration plus orgasm. But, falling in love, being in love, and making love are different states of affairs…more
My satisfaction skyrocketed when I let the primal back in the bedroom
I am one of those people who fantasizes about living in a cave. Not forever. Just for awhile. To attain enlightenment or something like that. And, while humans have, for the most part, not lived in caves for the last 10,000–12,000 years, when it comes to matters of the heart, I’m constantly stunned by how little we’ve changed.
Though I’m a feminist, an executive and haven’t held a baby of my own in almost a decade, there is still something I find so hot about a man who, when push comes to shove, seems willing to stand outside of the cave with a club, should a tiger happen to saunter by when I’m bare-breasted by the fire.
Of course, the feminist in me feels guilty for wanting this, or at least for saying so, especially since fighting rape culture is something that I do. But, it’s undeniable. When I get close to my man, skin to skin, resting my fingers on his biceps, my lips on his smooth back, the arousal isn’t just about sex. It’s also about safety.
It’s not just women who are driven by those cave(wo)man norms, cemented in our DNA over millennia. Perhaps more groomed and more emotional (go beta males!), most men, too, are still cavemen in disguise.
For two million years, being a man meant being a member of a band of brothers, whose purpose was to hunt in order to feed their people. Hunter-gatherer men would traverse great distances in their pursuit of game, would work in teams, would activate their fight/flight systems at regular intervals, sleep under the stars and return home to their mates after stretches that could last several months.
In other words, they were in-shape, in community, hormonally balanced, and free. Sounds pretty great, right? All they had to do was avoid the occasional mauling.
I am a strong woman and I’m attracted to strong men. In my professional life and my non-romantic personal life, I’m the one who is going to beat you in a race or hunt you down if you have something that I want. But, when it comes to love, my satisfaction skyrocketed when I made space for the neanderthal in my man...more…
I remember, during the long hard years of my marriage, whining on in my internal monologue, “Why won’t he just…?!” “Doesn’t he remember that…?! “But, I’ve told him in so many ways that I…” Passion long gone, at least we had familiarity, I thought. While it was true that he could finger me to orgasm in two minutes flat, all of that “knowing” between us played out as expectations unrealized.
In a word, sex was a constant disappointment.
Now, when I am asked my views on the key to long-term relationship satisfaction, I turn my years of frustration into a single piece of advice. “Regard your partner as an ever-unfolding creature, a miraculous mystery.” Because they are. And, so are you.
What makes for the hottest blend of familiarity and novelty?
Now that I am single again, I can not help but face a partner from a posture of curiosity. I find that it takes me a full year of love-making before I can say that I truly know a new partner’s ins and outs. And, I’m the type of lover who conducts interviews on favorite erogenous zones, positions, temperatures, and textures.
Talking likes and dislikes is titillating foreplay, but when sex is already in progress, too many questions can dampen the mood. Once consent is established, in my humble opinion, there is nothing less hot than the question “can I touch you like this?”
Consent is a Prerequisite for Good Sex
Consent is a prerequisite for good sex. I don’t just mean that in a preachy kind of way. Non-consensual sex is illegal and wrong, but descriptively too, lack of consent sets the stage for bad sex. What we call sexual dysfunction can often be the body’s way of expressing its lack of consent in sex. A man’s “no” can appear in the bedroom as an inability to keep an erection. A woman’s “no” is more subtle, but even more important when it comes to great sex. A woman’s body is like a flower. It is her deep “yes” that causes her to bloom. When she cries yes, she becomes warm, wet, and oh so yummy.
Good sex must begin with a bold “yes” from both parties.
Well-established consent is the true blessing of long-term relationships. What lovers sacrifice in novelty, they regain from the benefits of established consent. The very best sex begins with the bold invitation, “please reach deep inside of me.” “Please touch my everything.” “Tonight, I am yours.”